February 2012
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My brother spouts nonsense when he plays video games and I can't stop laughing
My brother: Valerie, call me "Brandon, the Conqueror of All"
Me: Okay.
My brother: Quit with the monkey business Valerie this is really getting out of hand.
Me: Okay.
My brother: (singing) Vaallerrriie is a sttuuupppiiiddddd!
Me: Hey that's really good, we should start a band.
My brother: Shut up Valerie, you're adopted.
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A woman came into the store today and brought a jacket up to the counter and said, “I bought this jacket last week! This jacket! And the clerk forgot to give it to me and I must have been in a hurry and I walked out of the store without it! And I lost my receipt. Can you give it to me now?”
Wow nice try old lady
Good effort.
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Lately I’ve been so socially exhausted that I don’t even want to socialize on the internet? Does that make sense?
People, man
They wear you out
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I was cat called in the parking lot today and then I realized that the perpetrators were four guys in the car parked right next to mine.
Looking back I probably should have been a little more uncomfortable about the situation, but I was just cracking up as they moaned obscene sexual things at me while I got out my keys.
God I just have the hardest time taking stuff like that seriously.
...
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I opened up this text post with a specific purpose but I just started typing “meow meow meow meow”
Send help, I’m turning into a cat
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I think I need to get a little more creative with naming my essays
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There were supposed to be three figures in my drawing homework but I couldn’t find a good place to put another person so I just drew in a couple butterflies.
Butterflies count as people right???
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My mom sends me a text that says, “I hope you’re having a good day………..”
It’s a perfectly normal text but that ellipsis is really freaking me out.
Ellipses are dumb don’t use them unless you want to make people nervous.
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My problem with relationships is that I never realize that people are interested in me, you can buy me flowers and tell me I’m cute twelve times a day and I will literally just sit there and be like “Wow friendship is swell”
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Me: I just want you to know that I'd love you even if you were an axe murderer.
My brother: Valerie, um, I am an axe murderer.
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I love drawing but at the same time it makes me want to punch things because nothing I do is ever good enough and it never will be and I’ll keep getting better but there’s never going to be a point where I can say “Okay I’m good at drawing now I can just sit back and draw perfectly all the time,” and sometimes I just really want that to be something that can happen.
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One time I got a message from a fortune cookie that read, “Keep the trolls away from your goals.”
I was profoundly moved and from that day on I knew it was my calling to write fortune cookie messages assuming the trolls don’t get in the way.
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I need good jeans WHY ARE THEY SO EXPENSIVE
Would it be socially acceptable for me to buy kids jeans?
I bet a size 16 would fit and they’re like $30 cheaper.
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I was doing homework with my math study buddy last week and he answered his cell phone and mentioned that he was studying with me and I hear his friend say through the phone, “Valerie? That hot as hell blonde from your math class? Oh balls can she hear me?”
Being intelligent as I am I quickly said, “Nope I can’t hear,” before he even asked.
Whoops
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I love infomercials so much
I want to be on an infomercial this is my new dream
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